i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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