Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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