You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
