i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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