I am in a vortex of obligation.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
