just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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