you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
