The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
