Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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