you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken