I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
