Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.