do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.