If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room