dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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