Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just had sex on a roof
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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