the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
