FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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