It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
