In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
