I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
