You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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