i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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