I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
