Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
