i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
