She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
