You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
