I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
