We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
