Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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