dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
