She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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