i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
