ya dads aren't the best wingmen
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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