Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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