Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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