after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
In America we eat man semen.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
