i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
there is puke in my bra ... again
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
