Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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