ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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