somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
