Duck Duck Cougar?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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