highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
