STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
