I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
