I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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