i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i came on her dog
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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