So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
