I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
