you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
