Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
