Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
