You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
