Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
