i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
