she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
