So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
