I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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