Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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