The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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