Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
