He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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