I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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