non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
