Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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