I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
