I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
