Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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