billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
