Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
