I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She said her name was "party"
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
