i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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