so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
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MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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