i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize